WASHINGTON D.C. — In an ethereal turn of events, the apparition of President Joe Biden, who passed away at the age of 80 today, has been reported to persist in fulfilling his presidential duties. Notably, however, his phantom form has been seen to continue his notorious trend of stumbling on the White House stairs.
"The ghostly manifestation of President Biden seems just as committed to running the country as he was in life, and equally committed to tripping over the third step from the top," stated James Fenton, White House janitor and impromptu spectral analyst. "I've tried ghost-proofing the stairs with holy water, but to no avail. Our President keeps phasing through, untied shoelace and all."
The unusual circumstance has prompted a flurry of reactions from both political parties. Democrats have praised Biden's spectral diligence as an unwavering devotion to public service. Republicans, however, have seized the opportunity to question the constitutionality of a ghost presidency, sparking lively debates that veer dangerously close to exorcism bills.
Leading paranormal expert, Dr. Shirley Houdin, has been brought in to counsel White House staff on communicating with the Presidential Phantom. "We're still working out the kinks," said Houdin. "Teleprompter adjustments for spectral eyes, microphone sensitivity tuning for ghostly whispers, and figuring out how to keep the President from drifting through the Resolute Desk during press briefings—it's all uncharted territory."
"Even his coffee-drinking habit has turned into a surreal spectacle," shared a frazzled intern, Rebecca Watts. "It's like a caffeine-themed Poltergeist remake in here."
Meanwhile, the Biden specter continues to guide the nation, though it has faced unique obstacles—such as being occasionally swept away by a strong gust of wind during outdoor speeches or struggling to use the Presidential pen for signing bills. Despite the challenges, Biden's afterlife approval ratings have remained steady, with a recent Gallup poll showing a slight bump among young voters, who stated that they found the ghostly aspect of his presidency "spooky cool."
As the nation grapples with this new paradigm of the paranormal presidency, one thing is clear: ghost or not, President Biden's spectral form remains just as prone to stair-related blunders as he did in the corporeal world. It's a reassuring sign that, even in death, some things remain stubbornly, hilariously, human.