Librarians Stunned as Hunter Biden’s Cocaine Outperforms Bestsellers in Weekly Checkouts
We've had to implement a new section in our checkout system just to keep up with the accidental cocaine findings.
Politics
President Biden dead at 80, Ghost Continues To Stumble on White House Stairs.
Biden's presidency continues to trip up over familiar obstacles.
Russia's Top Obituary Writer Takes on Challenge of Describing Prigozhin's 'Natural Causes' Death by Polonium Milkshake
Dairy Doom: 'Putin's Chef' Yevgeny Prigozhin 'naturally' succumbs to a lethal radioactive milkshake in Russia's most shocking lactose intolerance case yet.
Ice Breaker: Matt Walsh Exchanges Hot Takes for Cold Fronts, Sets Sail for Antarctic
Trading sharp suits for thermal boots, Walsh sets course for Antarctica, stating 'it's time to break the ice.
White Cop Discovers Institutional Racism at Ground Level
WASHINGTON—In a discovery that has sent shockwaves through law enforcement communities nationwide, local white police officer Todd McGinty reportedly uncovered the pervasive reality of institutional racism in America after adopting a hands-and-knees position on the concrete beside an apprehended African American man.
Sources revealed that McGinty, a seven-year veteran
Donald Trump Rebukes Son's Claim, Cites Gazelle-like Speed and Nuclear Energy as Proof of Youth
Trump, apparently not content to simply dispute his son's ageist claims, sought to underscore his virile vigor by comparing himself to one of the animal kingdom's most nimble creatures and humanity's most potent power source. "I’m as spry as a gazelle and twice as quick! More energy than a
DeSantis Declares Himself 'Florida Man' in Stunt Involving Alligator Wrestling to Trump Trump in Primaries
As he issues a challenge to Trump in the Republican primaries, critics and zoologists alike question the merit of such reptilian prowess in determining presidential suitability.