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The Infinite Dude

The Infinite Dude

Pope Francis Calls for Fair Play in Zuckerberg-Musk Deathmatch, Adds, 'May the Best Al Gore Rhythm Win'

Pope Francis Calls for Fair Play in Zuckerberg-Musk Deathmatch, Adds, 'May the Best Al Gore Rhythm Win'

ROME - This Saturday, Elon Musk and Mark Zuckerberg, two godlike titans of tech, are to face off in the ancient Roman Coliseum for a bare-fisted deathmatch. And get this, overseeing the bloody battle will be the Pope. Yes, you read it right. Pope Francis himself. "Just play fair,

Uncle Sam Shows His True Colors: Pride Flag Takes Star-Spangled Spotlight at Military Funeral

Uncle Sam Shows His True Colors: Pride Flag Takes Star-Spangled Spotlight at Military Funeral

In a surprise turn of events that has shocked the very foundation of traditionalist patriotism, Uncle Sam has apparently shrugged off his red, white, and blue ensemble for a garment far more vibrant. Serving up a dish of controversy as colorful as a double rainbow, a Pride Flag was spotted

Leaked: Apple's New AR Glasses Feature Reality Distortion Field—Apple Fans Claim They've Had That for Years

Leaked: Apple's New AR Glasses Feature Reality Distortion Field—Apple Fans Claim They've Had That for Years

In an unprecedented turn of events, our tech reporters have managed to lay their tech-obsessed fingers on a prototype of Apple's rumored augmented reality glasses. Forgive the tremors of excitement in the prose; this is as big as having the Holy Grail on your kitchen counter and using

Report: Despite Nasty Fall, Biden's Wrist Now Least Broken Part of American Health Care System

Report: Despite Nasty Fall, Biden's Wrist Now Least Broken Part of American Health Care System

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a catastrophic stumble that had Washington insiders gasping and metaphors scurrying for cover, President Joe Biden slipped on a rogue puddle at the top of the White House stairs, tumbled dramatically downwards, and emerged with a cracked wrist. Despite this tragic setback, analysts have swiftly

White Cop Discovers Institutional Racism at Ground Level

White Cop Discovers Institutional Racism at Ground Level

WASHINGTON—In a discovery that has sent shockwaves through law enforcement communities nationwide, local white police officer Todd McGinty reportedly uncovered the pervasive reality of institutional racism in America after adopting a hands-and-knees position on the concrete beside an apprehended African American man. Sources revealed that McGinty, a seven-year veteran

Donald Trump Rebukes Son's Claim, Cites Gazelle-like Speed and Nuclear Energy as Proof of Youth

Donald Trump Rebukes Son's Claim, Cites Gazelle-like Speed and Nuclear Energy as Proof of Youth

Trump, apparently not content to simply dispute his son's ageist claims, sought to underscore his virile vigor by comparing himself to one of the animal kingdom's most nimble creatures and humanity's most potent power source. "I’m as spry as a gazelle and